CD unRelease Announcement

"Dead Broke and Shameless"

    I had a guy send me SPAM in an attempt to try and sell me his CD. That really irritates me... SPAM in general... but I was in a weird mood (as in nice), so instead of blasting him, since he was dumb enough to give me his website name, I went off on this weird tangent and wrote him a letter. It conveniently contained the names of all of the songs that I have written, and links to them on my web site. Yeah, I know the recordings leave a lot to be desired and they really need to be redone but so what? I figured that he was just dying, to hear my songs too, and besides that, mine are free. I wonder why? So instead of letting sleeping dogs lie, I decided that I would also annoy everyone else with this story. I know that you probably did something today to deserve this. Anyway, the first paragraph, is the email that I got from him telling me how fantastic he is. I have removed his name to protect the "guilty". He thinks he is one of the "best voices in the business". Sorry but I'm listening to Eric Taylor right now and much prefer him over "P.N." The second paragraph is my letter to him. For those of you that do not know this, all of my music is recorded in a single pass - no overdubs - and yes, I know that it sounds like it! Also, all songs are only me playing a guitar. No one else would risk their reputation by accompaning me. When you think you hear more than one guitar, it simply means that you have been drinking! No? Ok, it means that my guitar is tuned weird and I'm getting multiple parts from a single guitar (eat your heart out, Leo!). If you listen real close, there are a few spots where it sounds like maybe three guitar parts but you may need a few more drinks to hear that. It all boils down to this. All but one of this tunes is mine. They are original and I am the only person playing. I enjoy playing but I have no grand delusions about my "prowess" as a guitar player. I'm mediocre at best but I have an absolute ball banging out these tunes. If you enjoy them, great. If not, there are lots of  better things that you could be doing with your time.

 

From PN:

    My debut CD ("Urban Living") has been described as brilliant, stunning, sensational by Record companies and Industry people. I have been described as one of the best vocalists in the business. Please judge for yourself. My CD features many respected and acclaimed musicians However, I am not a teenager and my CD is not being released by record companies. I promise you will be surprised and delighted with my music. Most of the songs are originals written by myself with Californian singer/songwriter Stephen Morgan, plus a few selected cover songs given a fresh and exciting arrangement. I am looking for the break that will introduce the world to my music. Please help me. "unSuburban Life" is available through my website for only $15.00 US (cheque or PayPal), which includes delivery. Can be ordered via the UK or anywhere in the world and delivered immediately to your door. Please give me a listen, and a help me get a break. All my details are a click away on my website. Feel free to write to me if you have any questions or comments. I will respond to you immediately. (I'm still waiting)
Thank you - PN

 

To PN:

     My undebuted CD ("Dirt Broke and Shameless") has been described as glaring, stupefying, and senseless by Record companies and Industry people. I have been described as one of the worst vocalists in the business. They say I sound kind of like a "hog caller" with his "tit caught in a wringer". As evidence they site my Bob Dylan cover, "Don't Think Twice." In fact they suggested that anyone considering buying my unCD do just that, "think twice". Please judge for yourself.

    That is why most of the pieces are instrumentals. Take for example that wonderful tune about freezing your butt off in Minnesota in the winter time, "January Morn." My unCD features many respected and acclaimed musicians. However, they refuse to play on my tunes or to even acknowledge that they know me. Cowards! This forced me to play "Marshall's Medley Madness", all alone and by myself! I am not a teenager (far, far from it!) and my CD is not being released by record companies, or any one else, as far as that goes. The tune, "Unfinished Business", tells that story. I promise you, they will be surprised and confused by my music. I know that I am! "Burning Bridges" may get me thrown in jail for promoting arson! You will probably want to go out and "Look Around" for a peace officer to arrest me.

    All the songs are originals, except for a few selected cover songs that were written by someone else (who wish I would just quit ruining their music) and given a fresh and unexplainable arrangement (why would he play it like that?). A couple of the tunes were written by myself and Californian singer/songwriter J. Christ. We took some "Journeys" together and he told me that I had "Come To Know" him. I am looking for the break that will introduce the world to my music and hopefully it will be "In Progress" soon! Please help me or I may come "Unhinged."

    "Dirt Broke and Shameless" is unavailable through any website, for any amount of money but it is rumored that it can be purchased in back alleys and sleazy bars, in several rural states of mind, where the "Bluegrass" grows. I have even had lucrative offers if I would just promise to never play anything ever again. I am honestly considering that offer! If they would pay on a regular basis I might be able to make a living by not playing. I think Todd Snyder capitalized on that same technique in his early years. Let's see, farmers get paid not to plant, why can't I get paid not to play?

    My unCD cannot be ordered via the UK, the UP, the unCola, or anywhere else in the world, but it will be delivered immediately to your back door by a man in a hat, shades and an overcoat mumbling something about needing to "see a man about a horse", if you can fnd one. Please give me a listen as it would give you a break from the other voices in your head and it might help me get a break; (probably all of my fingers just to keep me from continuing to do this!) I promise that it will increase your self esteem. You'll be saying, "I'm way better than that guy ever thought of being!" All my details are a click away on this website. Feel free to write to me if you think that it will do you any good. I can tell you now that it won't, but so what, don't let that stop you. I must forewarn you though, that writing may encourage me to send you a bill for my time, and I have LOTS of time. Don't be alarmed though, everyone says I'm cheap! If you have any questions or comments please send them to the governor. Maybe he will commute my sentence (I swear that I never harmed a bowl of cereal like they said I did. Cereal killer - yeah, right!) I will come by and personally thank you immediately if he does release me, but first I will have to leave Bryan Groll's land of "Ice and Snow."

Thank you, and remember, no whining!

"When you play and sing as bad as I do, it's easy to be humble."

~ Marshall ~